Saturday, May 27, 2006


I'm really good at starting things and then stopping them before they're actually finished. Could possibly be one of my major weak points, and a tricky habit to change. Even sentences (but not prison ones) get lost in the mist/mix on occasions - starting bright clear and sharp on a topic and then trailing off into Brando-esque mumblings and mutterings. Only difference being he got paid a hell of a lot of $$$ to do it, whereas I'm mostly pretty skint, and who in their right mind would pay me to ramble on and on about the more obscure aspects of life in general and mine in particular? Maybe on a subconscious level that's why I started blogging - once you commit yourself to being "in the public eye" on such an international level, it soon becomes clear that the sheep are rapidly separated from the goats. It becomes an addiction for some people. But there are so many half-finished blogs (I know I've mentioned this in an earlier post) out there, echoing the tangled web people call their daily humdrum (mmm....don't hear that word so often these days) existence, that you feel some kind of responsibility to struggle on, even though the end result might just be a load of old blabla (although blabla seems to have become quite a normal response to anything and everything which requires the slightest bit of actual thought, reflection, or intelligence these days). So when others stop, what do they start next? Another blog maybe? A new life in the sun etc etc? What about those poor souls who only write about cooking recipes, knitting patterns, pets, kids, neighbours, aliens etc? I'm desperately trying to carry on some kind of ancient (maybe even archaic) traditions of endless flow, flux, and change, without compromising my basic existential mainframe operational functions, or getting too involved in other people's lives. Each to his/her own. Already I've ended a couple of posts with the words "to be continued", "back on the case next week" etc, but check them out - still all unfinished! I guess I eventually get totally bored with things which at the time seemed really interesting and important, as if I was fulfilling some kind of social responsibility by writing about them, but - still just blabla for many bloggers. Simply massaging my own ego? The Burning Ideas Factory is still open, the flashes come and go, often in my dreams or a dream-like state, rejected or forgotten before they're even partially explored, and still hanging around at the back of the mind somewhere like an uninvited guest overstaying their welcome. At least in Cyberland you can well and truly get lost with head up proverbial arse and not even a portaloo in sight. In a sea of shit who needs toilets? Sorry - there are many good people (some of them even bloggers) out there in the Real World, but it's easy to get cynical, especially as cynicism (along with post-irony) now seems to be a legitimate philosophy (religion?) to embrace - sad but true. You just never know whether people are taking the piss or being serious these days. Haha! On a really serious level now - I've finally taken the plunge and decided to put more of my cheapo camera/software generated digital art experiments online - some of them have been hanging around on my hard drive (whooo!) for the last year or so - I've really had to think about the realness of it all before jumping in too I probably won't stop! A new day, a new game to play?

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